false alarm

i was expecting my monthly visit last tuesday and it didn't come until yesterday. well, knowing how regular i am, i started suspecting that maybe I was pregnant again. but, the monthly visitor did arrive late evening yesterday. it was a false alarm. i had mixed feelings about it - relief and regret.

on going through a second pregnancy, i was already having second thoughts about it kowing the trauma that i've been through with raya's loss. i would definitely want to have a baby again soon but i just couldn't shake off the feeling of fear and anxiety if it indeed happens. the fear of the unknown and the what ifs have bothered me before and have once again bothered me for the past 2 days.

nelo did say that, if it is god's will, then he will guide us into having another baby. i know he's right, and i so look forward to the possibility. but, i can't help but feel the uncertain on things. i should learn to let go of this feeling and be more positive about it.

lord, please guide me to the right path...